You all stole something from me
I’d like it back from you.
When you raped me, touched me,
tried to make me believe
something that wasn’t right
or even true,
It ruined me inside and out.
There’s a deep dark pit in
hell waiting just for you.
You darkened a piece of my soul.
where you placed your dirty filthy name.
You placed a recording that never stops,
It’s always in playback mode.
I couldn’t have hated myself more
than when that recording becomes
too loud to drown out.
I’ve tried to quieten it, destroy it,
replace it, but it’s never silent nor still.
You robbed me of my value,
placing unworthiness in my mind.
By taking me, you transferred your worth onto me
making me turn on myself;
creating a deep, loathing self-hater.
I sought love, affection, and my worth
in all the wrong places.
Reaping more and more
worthless feelings and self-hate.
You stole my peace,
chaos running wild and free;
taming any notion to fight and break free.
I’d like the return of my peace.
My desire is to go even an hour
with the good things in life
to occupy my thoughts.
Instead the demons you placed there
scratch and claw their way into the forefront.
Pain chases the hope for peace
into deep darkness, peace is quiet.
You wrote many things in my life,
words no child or woman should ever hear.
Words and phrases that make any relationship hard;
anger, hate, and bitterness flowing to the surface
and exploding on them.
I didn’t deserve this, neither do they!
I am good enough,
I have amounted to something,
I am marriage material,
I am good for something more than just sex!
Truth be told, it’s your view of me that is tragic.
You see me as valueless, worthless, only good for sex.
Problem is…I WAS A CHILD!!!
I lost me that day.
Whoever I was created to be
you took that from me.
That 7-year-old girl
still walks around trying to survive
She’s stuck in this loop, and she’s tired.
She can’t die,
she can’t walk away,
You stripped me of my innocence
Took it and hung it around your neck.
I pray it chokes you to death!
When you look at me
It’s as if I’m your trophy
You had me first, didn’t you…
I was your gift from something unseen.
Maybe the demons in your mind
are screaming your name too,
I pray they never cease.
I can’t look at myself in the mirror
or a picture of myself without seeing
the things you wrote there.
Things like depression, pain, ugliness,
worthless, valueless, hate, anger, and destroyed.
You ripped out my childhood,
which has been tied to my adulthood.
I can’t get away from myself or my demons.
And if you chose to open your eyes,
and see what you have done to me,
you might find your demons there too,
Hiding behind my eyes.