The pain is real
It is deep and wide
This chasm I cannot cross
Nor can I shed
My knees buckle
Beneath the weight
The thorn mine
I will accept
To bear on this journey
Till I reach
Do you know that I thought of you today
Wondered if you felt okay
Did you need anything
What’s that? Sorry, thought you looked my way.
Do you know I wanted to you talk today
Wondered did you have the time
Came close a time or two
What’s that? Sorry, thought it was you.
Do you know I want to spend time with you
Wondered if you’d make the time
Seen you with your friends
What’s that? Sorry, thought you were talking to me.
Do you know I often cry for you?
Wondered if you even cared
I see that you shed some tears
What’s that? Sorry, you want me to dry them clear?
Do you know that I love you deeply
Wondered if you remember the cost
I see you standing close by my side
What’s that? Sorry? Yes, I have forgiven you.
Do you know that I thought of you today?
I’m tired, rejected, and all-out unworthy…
At least that’s what the voices want me to believe.
Problem is this…where are the human voices that tell me different?
I have plenty of friends that tell me the good things.
But there’s that one person, just one that I really need to hear it from.
Nothing, No matter how bad I feel.
It’s lost on them.
What, who, or where am I to them?
So the voices continue to penetrate whatever barriers I create.
Fallen soldier of glory
Marching to the sounds of your pain
The weight of your sin
Bearing down heavily on you
The sorrow and guilt of your agony
Is written plainly on your face
The heaviness in the depths of your heart
And the grief in the groaning of your unspoken words
Are carried along with the winds
Of the burdens of your shame
Lift your downcast head for just a moment
Listen not to the mockers all around
Preaching from their self-righteous planks
For even Christ with the cross
Could not bear the weight alone
The strength and company of a friend
From the crowd came a lending hand
And together, arm and arm
Walking side by side
They drug the heavy cross
And so it is with you and me
When life becomes a struggle
When we take the wrong roads
When we make the wrong choices
We must face it headlong
Make right our wrongs
Make tomorrow a better day
Tomorrow choosing the better way.
Aug 31, 2012
You all stole something from me
I’d like it back from you.
When you raped me, touched me,
tried to make me believe
something that wasn’t right
or even true,
It ruined me inside and out.
There’s a deep dark pit in
hell waiting just for you.
You darkened a piece of my soul.
where you placed your dirty filthy name.
You placed a recording that never stops,
It’s always in playback mode.
I couldn’t have hated myself more
than when that recording becomes
too loud to drown out.
I’ve tried to quieten it, destroy it,
replace it, but it’s never silent nor still.
You robbed me of my value,
placing unworthiness in my mind.
By taking me, you transferred your worth onto me
making me turn on myself;
creating a deep, loathing self-hater.
I sought love, affection, and my worth
in all the wrong places.
Reaping more and more
worthless feelings and self-hate.
You stole my peace,
chaos running wild and free;
taming any notion to fight and break free.
I’d like the return of my peace.
My desire is to go even an hour
with the good things in life
to occupy my thoughts.
Instead the demons you placed there
scratch and claw their way into the forefront.
Pain chases the hope for peace
into deep darkness, peace is quiet.
You wrote many things in my life,
words no child or woman should ever hear.
Words and phrases that make any relationship hard;
anger, hate, and bitterness flowing to the surface
and exploding on them.
I didn’t deserve this, neither do they!
I am good enough,
I have amounted to something,
I am marriage material,
I am good for something more than just sex!
Truth be told, it’s your view of me that is tragic.
You see me as valueless, worthless, only good for sex.
Problem is…I WAS A CHILD!!!
I lost me that day.
Whoever I was created to be
you took that from me.
That 7-year-old girl
still walks around trying to survive
She’s stuck in this loop, and she’s tired.
She can’t die,
she can’t walk away,
You stripped me of my innocence
Took it and hung it around your neck.
I pray it chokes you to death!
When you look at me
It’s as if I’m your trophy
You had me first, didn’t you…
I was your gift from something unseen.
Maybe the demons in your mind
are screaming your name too,
I pray they never cease.
I can’t look at myself in the mirror
or a picture of myself without seeing
the things you wrote there.
Things like depression, pain, ugliness,
worthless, valueless, hate, anger, and destroyed.
You ripped out my childhood,
which has been tied to my adulthood.
I can’t get away from myself or my demons.
And if you chose to open your eyes,
and see what you have done to me,
you might find your demons there too,
Hiding behind my eyes.
See all photos here: https://www.amazon.com/photos/shared/wy6TIp-oT-CNZ5COa1KmdQ.U8sMB0rQXqMdcpX3UQumWd
Promised my niece I would share this for her. She’s in the 7th grade and is already writing her first novel. She read the first chapter to me and it is amazing!
So…here is her first publish…Ms C. Compton